UH...I WASN'T THE DRIVER...

Read this interesting and mysterious article about a Ferrari Enzo crashing at and hitting a telephone pole at 162mph on the PCH (Pacific Coast Hwy.)
Sweet car.

BUT HONEY...

A British bride who fatally stabbed her husband in a row over a bouquet of flowers just one week after they returned from a honeymoon cruise was found guilty of manslaughter today.

College lecturer Catherine Osliffe, 34, is said to have screamed at her husband Roger: "We've only been together for a week and I hate you already."

A jury at Preston Crown Court found Osliffe not guilty of murder but guilty of manslaughter after her husband, 35, died of a single stab wound to the heart in June last year.

The couple, who married on April 30, 2004, had been arguing over a bouquet of flowers given to Osliffe because her husband doubted they were from her mother.

DAD THE SAILOR...

THEN AND NOW...

MY FAMILY...

Circa 1941 (Click for larger image)

WHAT COULD BE FUNNIER...

Than to take a train horn and put it in your car and drive around scaring the shit out of people. Thanks to Elton for this video.

Comments...

I believe I have fixed the problem.

COMMENTS...

I can't seem to get my comments to work. I have all my settings correct to accept anyone's comments. but no deal. Any suggestions? Shit, You'll have to email me.

BABE OF THE WEEK RETURNS...

Since its been awhile, here's two for ya pervs.

US PORTS...

99% of the people debating the current situation over control of US Ports believe that a company in the UAE is buying control of our ports. No, the UAE itself, as a country, is involved. A country, NOT A COMPANY! AN ARAB COUNTRY!

POUNDING YOUR MEAT PAYS OFF...

Eight meat procesors from Lincoln Nebraska have won the largest lottery in history.

I bet that in 2 years, 3 will be broke, 1 will be dead and all of them will be miserable. Here is one guy who died before he could cash his check. Then there is Jack Whitaker who was robbed of hundreds of thousands, had his Grand daughter found dead and is near broke after winning $314 million.

And why do these winners always opt for the pay off, rather than take so much per year. What, you can't make it on 7 million a year? They act like they don't have pockets in their shrouds. Kids, Grandkids, great grandkids, screw them. I want it all now.

MY SON'S JOKE...

Son "Dad, why are turds tapered at the end?"

Dad "Umm, I don't know why. Why?"

Son "So your asshole doesn't slam shut"

Son "Dad, do you need help up?"

FUN NEW PRODUCTS...

Taser International has intoduced it's newest line of non-lethal weapons. It's the Taser Shotgun of course. The technology is called Extended Range Electro-Muscular Projectile. Unlike the traditional Taser, this unit uses no wires and extends the effective range by over 300%.

FRED PHELPS AND THE WBC..

In case you have never heard of Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church, read this trash that they published yesterday. Fred and his website GodHatesFags.com has gone too far. He and his group are now picketing the funerals of dead soldiers returning from the war claiming that they died because they fought for a country that supports homosexuality. I have gay friends, I don't like to think about what they do and I think it is biblically wrong, but this man's off his fucking rocker.

They just picketed a funeral for a young soldier in my area.

Think You Are Fast?

Check this out! 5under1.wmv

A Big Shout Out...

A very big thank you to Big Don for helping my sorry ass get the coding right to have the picture on the right. He was very patient and persistant. Thanks Don!

BTW... Hit up his blog to read about a prank I pulled on them way back. Funny maybe only if you were there.

Misconception Department..

So, what is your most feared dog? Check out this video and then answer the question.

I have been bitten by my own Great Dane, a St. Bernard and a gigantic black lab. Never have I even had a problem with this breed.

Just watch the video and think.

Stupid Stuff...

I called the main number (not 911) of the local fire station and asked if was okay to yell "Movie" in a crowded firehouse.

I don't think he got it.

Weird Weather Department...

It was 75 degrees here yeterday and Jake and I were playing football with no shirts. Now at 11:30 it's snowing to beat the band. Last week was the same deal. 70's and snow on the weekend. I spoke to a friend in British Columbia the other day and he's had no snow at all.

And the reports I am reading call for near 70's again next week.

It Was Bound To Happen...

You knew it would come out sooner or later.

Dick Cheney The Musical

My Anniversary...

I have now been married for 4381 days, but have been with Melanie for 5840. I did spend one summer, 60 days, in Boston without her. That and counting a few trips to California, we have always been together.

We still fall asleep holding hands.

Cheney Shoots Whittington...

First let me say that in the last two elections, I voted the Bush/Cheney ticket.

Second, let me say that I have hunted wild quail when I was a kid on a piece of property outside Lompoc, California. we were using pellet guns and let me tell you that quail are very fast and wear super-sonic hearing aids. Until I was older, every quail that I shot (and it wasn't many) with a pellet gun was while the bird was in the bush. Dick Cheney was using a 28 gauge shotgun and let me tell you, you have to be one helluva experienced hunter to shoot quail with a 28 ga.

Apparently Whittington had shot a bird and went to retieve it. This is were I find the story hard to believe. Whittington was returning to the group and didn't "announce" himself to the group. Have you ever been in the bush hunting anything? You can easily hear someone 100 yards away walking and crunching their way through the under brush which leads me to believe that this was a "canned" hunt. They must not have been very quiet not to hear Whittington. I heard one guy today say that you almost have to kick a cage raised quail to get him to fly.

Also, Cheney said that he had drank "one" beer and that was earlier at lunch. I heard that line before on the "Cops" show when the driver can hardly stand.
I'll finish this with something my Dad sent today:

"I was listening to Al Franken this morning on the radio. He had a statistician from the Harvard school of public health on his show. They were talking about indicators of recidivism and it seems that given Cheney's history of encounters with the law, and two drunken driving convictions, he has a 88% probability of shooting someone else within six months."

Wanna Do Some Meth Dude?

Take a look at this horrible toll that meth/crystal/glass does to the human body in a short amount of time.

At least it took Uncle Fred 40 years to develop his swollen red nose from single malt scotch.

Linked from Ultimate Insult

What the Fuck is Wrong?

OK. Girl looses leg in accident. Shit happens. Read this story and find out why she lost three legs.

Our Litigious Society...

From the mail bag today came notice from a friend of mine that I am being sued. I called my friend up and we read the email he had intercepted. After a few minutes of loud laughter, my knees really started knocking from fear. It seems this certain gentleman has had enough of my emails and my penchant for knocking him in several different forums. No, it's not Randy Dinwiddie.

I read the email and it said that not only am I band (sic) from his website, but that he has hired an attorney who agreed With him that he had a strong case for libel. I hope he can find an attorney to work pro-bono. I shall be defending this case in propria persona.

BTW... I found two others that have been band (sic) from your website and we have formed a trio and will effectuate the sounds of Nirvana.

I'll Take Mine Neat...

Check out this report on drinking that iced tea, scotch or soda next time your out.

Maybe dogs are smarter than humans.

WEIRDO AND FREAK MAGNET...

Somehow, someway, I seem to attract freaks, geeks and weirdos. I should run a freak of the week post. Well, the latest freak show to come my way is one Donovan Denholm. If the name sounds familiar, he's the guy in Chicago that I smacked in the face with a piece of chicken due to his sexual advances towards me. Now the guy has a website and I was big news all over it.

I found out that he gets his retardation naturally. I found his Mom's website and it all fell into place for me.

Justice in Motion...

The front of my house is situated on a very sharp curve and we get at least one bad accident every month or so. Back in December, a guy in work truck took out a pine tree (I mean took it out) and crossed the road and took out a power pole. My neighbor and I ran out and helped the dude out of his truck and I got him to sit down on the porch of the house he would have hit had it not been for the pole. A tractor trailer came down the road and caught the low hanging poerline and sent it swinging towards us hitting the wrecked truck and arcing everywhere. I was in the street stopping traffic from hitting the line when I saw the dude running off behind the houses. I took off after him yelling for him to stop and ended up running sfter him for 3/4's of a mile until a police car trapped him between him and myself.

The story her tho is that they subpoenaed me and I went to his hearing Wednesday. As usual, I was the only other person in a suit and tie besides the attorneys and the judge. It kills me the way people dress when they go to court, defendant or otherwise. The guys case gets called and I am just standing there listening to the charges and his attorney respond. The cop stood up and gave his account and then the judge asked me for my input. I explained we helped him out and I gave chase when he ran. The judge asked if I told him to stop and I said that at one point in the beginning that I yelled at him to stop or I would release my dog. I said he stopped and looked at me and kept going when he saw no dog. The whole gallery and even the judge started laughing. I was on a roll, so I explained that when he fell in a parking lot and I gained some ground on him, I yelled that he could keep running, but would only go to jail tired. This brought the house down.

The judge called for order and began his sentencing of suspended sentence, probation, etc., when he stopped and held up a paper, studying it intently. He said to the defendant that he has been busted for hit and run before. The guy said yeah and the judge changed up to a curve ball and said if it had not been for Mr. Branch, he might have gotten away with this one. He reprimanded him into custody on the spot and sentenced him to 225 days in the county jail.

That was my Wednesday.

Thank You Sir, May I have Another...

I opened my natural gas bill today and was actually happy because it was only $350.00.

Blonde Joke...

This has to be the funniest Blonde Joke I have ever read in my life!

YETI SPORTS...

A new Yeti Sports game. Not as good as the penguin toss tho.

Kim du Toit...

I have read Kim's blog on several occassions and have felt a connection to him due to his 2nd amendment views and the fact that his family home schools as we do. I was reading Big Don's blog and came across this link about how Kim and his family took a severe hit. I read the story and realized just how easy that could be my family. In reality, I am just a hair away with medical bills, $520 gas bills, etc. I think I can scrap a few bucks up for Kim though.

Read his post and count your blessings.

JUST ONCE DEPARTMENT...

The General Dynamics GAU 19 12.7mm (.50 cal) gatling gun. Thanks to Geek with a .45

OPTICAL ILLUSION...

Dentist...

I just got back frum the dentist and my mouth is still numb. I can't freel my frucking nose. I frind myself typing like I am spreaking.

Pretty Fruckin Frunny..

Check out this video sent to me by my brother!

Thanks Bromigo.